It has been a month after saying a quiet and solemn 'goodbye' to 'Soya Bean'. The baby that was not meant to be mine, yet. After the surgery on the 6th September2010, I have decided to move on and tell myself to be more positive, make myself healthier to try again in the near future. I do get all chocked up when I recall back what happened in the scanning room.. I get all teary whenever other ladies showed off their babies' pixs... And of course I get very upset when I received comments, assuming that I am 'so weak'. (Eg.."even a person who drinks and smoke all day manage to keep the pregnancy intact..")
I have faith in Allah and I placed trust in Him. The reasons for an occurrence comes from Him and I just dont understand why there are still minority people out there who chose to suggest crappy nonsense to me like......"carrying a small pebble in my hand and throw it away once I reached home"...... Like Hallo!! What nonsense is that?? I am not superstitious to begin with and fine, I take it politely from the person who suggested that to me. I only have myself to blame for my imbalanced diet. What does the pebble got to do with my miscarriage..?? Beats me.
It has been a miserable episode for me. I guess, a person has to go through it to realise how painful it has been. The mental and physical pain I went through..... Gosh. I do not want to repeat that episode again. I know myself. I cannot... I cant afford to go through that turmoil once again. I cried myself silly in the women's clinic all alone. I woke up from the surgery knowing that Soya Bean was no longer in my tummy. I lead my life knowing I have to try harder. I threw myself in tonnes of work to divert my attention from the impending sadness. And I tell myself to move on.
I have been in the lowest point of my life, be it in relationship or others. It had been hell and I still managed to pick myself up and move on despite the wounds and thus, scars. Family and loved ones have been supportive. And I wish those insensitive humans would just have an ounce of sensibility in their brain before they open up the hole in their face and spout nonsensical superstitious 'advise'.
I hate to indulge in self-pity and therefore, that is not the main focus of this entry. Then again, I need no one to tell me what to write here in MY blog, yeah? I have been doing OK all these while and once I received the green light from Dr A, insya-Allah, we wont stop trying.
Coz like I stated earlier, I placed my faith in Allah. The reasons for an occurrence comes from Him. And if He wills it, I will get a chance to have another life growing in me with all his blessings. Insya Allah.
Dont & Never Stop Believing....
dear stranger, i came across this blog out of nowhere and when i read through your thoughts, an inner urge beg me to share with you a part of my past.
ReplyDeletehttp://bloodshed.wordpress.com/2007/11/23/my-baby-blues/
god works in mysterious ways but it's most important that we don't lose hope. it took me 5 years of waiting before my son came back last month as a gift from the heavens.
stay strong because *HE* listens.
ps: as a husband, i'm sure your hubby feels a thousand times worse than you.
oh gosh.. thanx for sharing dear stranger.... yes, i will never give up hope.. thank you again.. :)
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